en2707mandy

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Monday, February 12, 2007

my first assignment

The world outside my window
In my poky little room, there is a large square frame for picture. A vivid landscape is presented, yes, it is dynamic: it changes as the sun rises and falls; it changes as the lights switched on and off; it changes as leaves turn green and yellow; it changes as flowers bloom and fade; it changes as my visual angle changes; it changes as my mood changes...... What is the magic landscape on earth? It is the scenery outside my window, the world outside my window. My window is a transparent wall that separates the uproar and prosperity from me, a transparent barrier that parts the ideality from reality. I am very thankful that I live in the 8th floor so that the whole scenery can be captured and I take a grate pleasure to stand alone before the window to read this landscape, this multiple world.

Every day, the rumble made by buses running on the neat and wide road wakes me up. As if leaded by a military march song, people walk very fast, almost rush to the station and then crowd in the bus to get to the workplace, to begin their busy day. I can smell the tight atmosphere. The world outside is a bout for time, the verity here is that time makes money instead of time is money. The whole world is racing forward, so we have to keep running, more and more quickly. Once you slow down, you will miss opportunities and you will be left behind, then you will be out!


When eating breakfast beside my desk, I prefer to look out of the window rather than facing the white board. There, on the opposite side of the road, is a beautiful park. Tortuous paths shaded by trees meander through green pastures as if big snakes traverse the lawn lackadaisically. People are walking slowly or jogging on the path with birds singing and dancing in the trees, absorbed in peace and the beautiful of nature. In the central of the park, children are playing happily around the irregularly shaped spraying pool. Caeruleus tiles are paved on the floor thus enduring the colorless water with a color of bright blue. When a tender breeze flicks the water, layers of wave are lifted; they reflect sunshine and give out a diamond-like shining. Elders prefer doing some easy exercise with the sport facility fixed on the round plat ground in the north of the park. When they feel tired, they can have a good rest in the summerhouse, which looks like an umbrella. A clack sound catches my attention and it is made by people who are playing tennis in the southwest of the park. There are eight tennis courts in total. The general case is that families come here to practice tennis and parents play with their children. They equip themselves well and practice seriously; you can feel a harmonious relationship and one thing called love between them rather than the tight atmosphere of competition. What I like most about the park is the omnipresent and diverse trees. They fill in almost the whole park except the space for the paths, pool, courts and grounds. Trees are of all kinds: some are tall while some are very short; some are evergreen while some have already turned red; some have very big and round crowns and cast big shadows while some have fewer leaves or are fastigiated…… Trees shake as wind passes; they make the park a three-dimensional and dynamic place with different structures and levels rather than a planar space. The world outside my window is a place for tired people to breathe in fresh air, to embrace nature, to put down pressure, to do exercise, to entertain, to have a moment to clear up disorder thoughts, to contribute to the warmth of family and to taste life.

A peal of ringing that spreads from a school in the northwest of the park recalls my memory. I still remember the happy feeling I have experienced in my childhood because the ring declared the over of the boring class. No longer did I need to stay afflictively in the classroom to listen to the tedious class, and I could fly out to play! The shape of the teaching building is like the letter F with classrooms arraying layer upon layer. Looking at the building from the flank, I can’t help thinking of waffles. Right in the opposite, in the southeast of the park is my school, the CityU. I can only identify it from its light blue color and the successive zigzag roof, because most of the building is hidden by the luxuriant trees grown in the park, leaving, or, I would like to say, driving you to imagine the building. The world outside my window is a holy land for education, where knowledge is explored, passed on and put into practice. The students inside will be the builders of the society, and with the effort of generation after generation, the society keeps going forward.

When sun goes under the horizon, lights are on duty. Knowing that the night scene is one of the fascinations in Hong Kong, I am so appreciated that I can capture the magical night scene freely just by sitting comfortably on my chair. It seems as if I am an audience sitting in the theater watching the magic played for me: just one minute before, the polluted air permeates between edifices as though to wear the edifices a filmy coat, leaving the continuous mountains hard to recognize. One minute later, the magic works. Sky turns wine, first a few lights are turned on, and then more and more, eventually in a short time, lights are shining brightly on the wine curtain. The rhythm is just like a melody played by an orchestra, at first it’s the prelude, few musical instruments are played to lead the audience into the world of music , more and more, finally all the musical instruments are played, they cooperate to produce the best and resonant sound and approach the climax of the sonata. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, pink, white……various colors of the lights make the black picture a polychrome one. Different shapes of lights keep the scene away from humdrum and feature the unique design of each building well: one light is globate, some are rectangular, some form the shape of letters, some are stringed and enwind around the roof of the building like a crown, and some even change their shapes every 5 minutes…… Most of the lights are inside the buildings, which make the building look like a black box inlayed with plenty of glittered diamonds. Inside the buildings, there are people working hard, maybe they are hungry, maybe they miss their easeful home, maybe they are ill……They are still there to accomplish their work, no matter they are forced to do so or not. One thing is kept in their mind: business world is a battle field, with fiece competition everywhere. Not only can the fight bring up giants, it can make you breake down as well. In order to be consonant with the challenging world, to have a better life, you have to work hard, to struggle, to fight and to be the winner! The enthralling night scene is not only beautiful scenery, but more important, a symbol representing a business world full of heavy smokes of gunpowder with doors either leading to the paradise or the inferno.

Whenever I look outside through the window, I hear the call from the abundant world outside. It calls me to save time to be more efficient; It calls me to do exercise to keep healthy; It calls me to have a relax to reduce pressure; It calls me to calm down myself to plan my way; It calls me to study hard to arm myself better; It calls me to chase my dream and to live my dream!

10 Comments:

At 12:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So romantic! You did a good job!

 
At 7:36 PM, Blogger en2707mandy said...

Thank you for dorothy's comment, I think your article is more romantic!

 
At 3:23 PM, Blogger en2707mandy said...

Thank you

 
At 5:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very good insights of the views from the window with infelt feelings. Subtle description of the views around with senses of directions. I like the first paragraph.
Keep on working!

 
At 8:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mandy’s words are very beautiful. She is really good at draw pictures. The essay is about the word outside the window, but actually she mainly mentions the park, building and street. Describing the park, she uses many techniques like comparison “….Tortuous paths shaded by trees meander through green pastures as if big snakes traverse the lawn lackadaisically….” Sense of hearing: “….The rhythm is just like a melody played by an orchestra, at first it’s the prelude, few musical instruments are played to lead the audience into the world of music , more and more, finally all the musical instruments are played, they cooperate to produce the best and resonant sound and approach the climax of the sonata…” and feeling: “…A peal of ringing that spreads from a school in the northwest of the park recalls my memory…” and so are the other parts.

What she also did well is she uses the parallelism that makes the essay more literary, like the beginning and ending “…it changes as the sun rises and falls; it changes as the lights switched on and off; it changes as leaves turn green and yellow; it changes as flowers bloom and fade; it changes as my visual angle changes; it changes as my mood changes......” she also uses enumeration so that we can imagine the sign directly “…..one light is globate, some are rectangular, some form the shape of letters, some are stringed and enwind around the roof of the building like a crown, and some even change their shapes every 5 minutes…… Most of the lights are inside the buildings, which make the building look like a black box inlayed with plenty of glittered diamonds…”

She describes the sign objective, it maybe more lively but too many such sentences make reader reads boring, and what’s more, decrease our imagination. Second, she writes too many things, places, scenes, and lack of the concentration. Third, she can try some simple sentences which may be more suitable in the circumstances. So I think she can reduce the things she described, list little but important, or have special meaning things to write. It is better to use beautiful sentences but they can’t be too many, and what’s more, she should arrange a order that gives us more clear general idea about the structure of her writes. But above all, through time past, she shows us the beautiful scenes throughout her window.

 
At 11:03 AM, Blogger Jill YU's EN2707 said...

The first and the strongest feeling I get when reading your essay is peace ,maybe it seems a little strange but the words really make me be a by-stander who watching a changful picture.You use many scenes and imagination to make that special picture lively and vivid.
I must say you did a good job in observing!

 
At 4:25 PM, Blogger Norah_EN2707 said...

Hi, Mandy!
After reading your essay, I have to admit that it’s too long. I have never seen so many things through my window. According to this, you’re good at observation. The following is my personal comment. I hope it can help you.
1) The topic and style. I always think it’s wonderful you can write many things through a little angle. In this essay, you describe the world outside your window: the rushing crowd in the morning, the park, the school nearby, our campus and the scenery at night, along with your feeling about them. But maybe because you write too many things, the essay can’t give me an outstanding impression. When I am reading the latter part, I have already forgotten what you’ve written above. So my recommendation is getting rid of some parts only to reserve some unique ones, i.e. concentrating on one or two things such as a person or a building so that you can express a particular message.
2) Overall organization. You describe all the things in an order of time and places. But your second paragraph is too long. I feel rather confused about the positions in the park. So please pay attention on your logical order and flow of your ideas.
3) The use of specific and concrete details. You do use many details such as “When a tender breeze flicks the water, layers of wave are lifted; they reflect sunshine and give out a diamond-like shining.” “Sky turns wine, first a few lights are turned on, and then more and more, eventually in a short time, lights are shining brightly on the wine curtain.” But I think if you concentrate on a certain one, you can write more concretely. Since your essay includes too many things, it gives us an impression that you are just telling not showing. Another good way to help is avoiding using the sentences like “People are walking slowly…” “Children are playing happily around…” too often and trying to use various verbs, making the article more vivid. Then I think you use too many sentences like “Some are…, some are…” which sound a little Chinese-style. Make them more concise, and you will find the structure more compact and the content less prolix.
4) The grammar and word usage. On the whole, you are good at grammar. But a main mistake you make is comma splice. For example, “The world outside is a bout for time, the verity here is that time makes money instead of time is money.” “At first it’s the prelude, few musical instruments are played to lead the audience into the world of music”. And “as if” should be followed by a complete sentence instead of phrases, so is “as though”. Then “beautiful of nature” should be “beautiful nature” or “beauty of nature”. And some word are spelt wrong like fierce and break. As to other words, maybe you should think for a second time before using them like “they reflect sunshine and give out a diamond-like shining”.
Maybe my comment is a little bit strict, but I hope it can really help you.

 
At 4:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It seems that you arranged your essay in time order, from morning to the night. In fact, I think you have mentioned so many things that I cannot tell which one is the most important.Although I should say your language is beautiful, you may focus on one scene outside your window. Anyway, you did a good job.

 
At 8:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

<1>
in a word ,you did a good job
but i still have to say is that you wrote a very long essay

and you memtioned many things in your article. and in return ,it seems a little difficult for me to follow. for my taste,i prefer to focus on small things.if you can write many tings about a small thing,then you must be a excellent writer.

<2>
another thing is that you use many comparisons and parallelism in your article,they are great.
and for your first paragraph,i dont agree that you wrote like that .if you at first put your rich emotions in it without any description about the object,its hard to catch the empathy of audience.

<3>
you show us some meaningful sentences in your essay ,such as"The world outside is a bout for time, the verity here is that time makes money instead of time is money".i really appreciate that

 
At 12:33 AM, Blogger en2707mandy said...

Thank you all, It help me a lot

 

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